A Full Deck
by Riddlespawn
Summary: Joker's had his final heist, and he and Harley Quinn took to the hills and left Gotham behind. On top of that, the Iceburg Lounge may be closing, and Four of Gotham's greatest criminals have done the strangest thing yet... become parents.
1. The Madness Begins

A box.

They had been left out, alone, in a box. Like a litter of free kittens open to anyone who wanted to give them a home. In an old, run-down, beat up box. They were left there inside an alley, which in any place was not a high recommendation, but in Gotham it was murder without getting your hands dirty. Four infant children slept on through the down pour of rain and the crashing of lightning. They were certainly odd children, not a hint of normality other than perhaps their peacefulness, which wasn't common in Gotham anyhow, even for a sleeping child. They were marked by sticky notes, each had one plastered to their chests, the scribbled ink hardly visible after the rain had gotten to it.

It just so happened that someone was hurrying home at that instant, however that someone was not a person that the four small children would want the attention of. But how were they to know this? As the "someone" rushed into the alley he skidded a bit, causing a scraping echo along the stone-walled alleyway. The echo pierced the ears of the child labeled "Spade" and she woke immediately crying out to the night. It was this cry that made the man stop in his tracks as he stepped over the soggy box. Normally this person in particular would've continued on his way without so much as a backward glance. But that wasn't anything new, considering that's what most people would've done. Perhaps it was just that kind of thinking that stopped Jonathan Crane, more commonly known as "The Scarecrow."

To any bystander Jonathan in his current state would seem a normal person. He was rather tall, towering above most people, and to add to this he was also incredibly thin. So thin, that most thought he'd be practically invisible if you looked at his from the side. His auburn hair hid his dark eyes with the way they dipped over his face. He was not the most handsome by anyone's means, including his own, but considering he was one of Gotham top professional criminals and generally wore a mask anyhow, he didn't see how it mattered.

Jonathon instinctively scooped up the bawling child and rocked her back and forth in his arms. He glanced around nervously, knowing that the all-knowing all-seeing batman couldn't be far behind him, and this child wasn't doing anything for his cover.

Immediately the girl silenced herself, content in scarecrows arms. He sighed. _Goodness_ he thought to himself _now she's comfortable._ And so she was, and went so far as to prove her point, for as soon as Scarecrow set her beside her what were most likely siblings, she began to whine again. He hadn't even all together placed her back in the box when he had to scope her up again, in case the bat heard. "what am I supposed to do with you?" he asked the child, almost expecting an answer. He evaluated the situation. Of course he could very simply leave the child there with the rest of them, and walk on by like nothing had ever happened… but something nagged at him from the inside. That little voice that never left him alone. _Come now,_ it whispered_ you wouldn't abandon these children? Surely Crane, you of all people know what it's like to feel abandon? Lost and forgotten? Or do you really want another Scarecrow on your hands in twenty years?_

Jonathon grimaced. Holding the child tight he began to make way for his old run down apartment, but just as he was to leave, another cry shortly followed, this one louder than before. He sharply turned, skulking back to the box. "What now?" he whispered. Another one of the children, this one with the label "Diamond" was crying with ferocious intensity, as if she wanted Scarecrow to be caught.

"Hush! Shh! Oh… Do be quiet!"

His last sentence was practically yelled, and the child silenced herself. Scarecrow then would've sworn on the holy bible (not that it mattered much to him anyhow) that the child then stuck her tongue out at him. What an attitude, and at such a young age! He sighed, knowing now he couldn't leave the four of them there, though he denied that it was because he was growing soft. As he placed the girl in his arms back beside her box-mates, grabbed the slowly falling apart cardboard excuse for a box and sobered back to his apartment, he told himself that this was only temporary because if they were left out here, in too short of a while Gotham would have four new super villains on it's hands.

And The Scarecrow hated competition.


	2. Dealer Takes One

Scarecrow ducked into the apartment building, not a fancy place by any means, but they were known to provide temporary shelter for even the worst of Gotham. Needless to say, he still elicited an interesting look from the from desk manager as he hurried into the elevator with the soggy box full of children. As soon as the elevator signaled that he was on the fourth floor, he stepped out and continued down the hall till he reached the seventh door. He then tucked the box under his arm and pulled out his key, opening the door. He quietly closed the door behind him, and placed the box on the floor. "This is insane." He mumbled to himself as he slipped into his bedroom and striped his bed of all blankets and pillows. He dragged them out into his living room and set them up almost like a play mat for children.

The two children who he named responsible for his current predicament, the ones labeled Diamond and Spade, were still awake and began to crawl out of the box they were previously imprisoned to. Now they were in the light (if the remarkably dim lighting could be called such) he studied the children more carefully. The first, Spade, had black hair, making it appear more voluminous that it really was. Her eyes were odd, being a devilish red that sparkled with wisdom, even at such a young age. The second, Diamond, had brilliant green eyes, and just as much hair as spade, but hers was nearly white, though it's blond strands shone through. The last two were asleep. Strike that, one awoke. The third, also a girl, was labeled Heart. She had fiery red hair that seemed more voluminous than Spade's. Her eyes were an earthy brown, and she looked as if she was to have freckles in a few years, judging by the undeveloped brown spots speckling her cheeks. The third remained asleep but his hair was mousey brown. Of course he couldn't see his eyes but he was sure it'd surprise him.

Now the only question was the matter of what he was going to do about them. He couldn't keep them… not him. He sauntered into the kitchen, over to his phone and thought carefully. The first person that came to mind was Jervis Tetch, the Mad Hatter, but he was tucked away in Arkham. Besides Jervis, the only person he might possibly find responsible enough to tend to a child was Oswald Cobbelpot, the Penguin, and he definitely couldn't take a child. What with the Iceberg Lounge loosing money and the possibility of shutting down… He couldn't possibly. Who else?

He might have called up Harley Quinn, but she and Joker had left Gotham years ago, after Joker left, literally, with a bang... or rather a boom, that being the explosion of the old Gotham Police Department. Not to mention the Joker was a potentially dangerous man… alright an _extremely_ dangerous man who had once before attempted to kill Jonathan himself, a memory Jonathan wished he'd soon forget. He began to think more about Harley, which lead him to think of Pamela Isley, or Poison Ivy, a good friend of Harley. He didn't know how good a mother she'd be, but she was a woman, and that was a start. He found a small booklet full of numbers that to this day he wasn't sure why he'd kept. But he shortly found Ivy's number in it, and dialed. The Phone rang for a long while, and just as Scarecrow was about to hang up, she answered.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Pam. It's Jonathan."

"Oh, thank God, I thought it might've been the police."

Jonathon smirked. "No… I erm… I seem to find myself in a problem…"

"What kind of a problem?" her voice hid an hint of suspicion.

He sighed. "I'm currently in possession of four small children-"

"Children!? Jonathon what'd you do!?"

"I didn't kill anyone…" he instantly defended, glancing over at the green-eyed girl who had a mischievous look as she crawled over to the couch. "…not yet anyhow. I found them in the street… And I was wondering if-"

"Jonathon, I can't."

"You must! I can't possibly take care of them!"

"Jonathan…"

There was a long pause.

"I'll be over there in a few minutes. Your apartment number is still 93, right?"

"Yes. I'll see you in a moment."

The dial tone began to sound and Jonathan smiled. He really owed one to her now. Although he knew that Pam wouldn't take all of them. He thought about anyone else he could call, but could only come up with Edward Nigma, the Riddler, and the two of them weren't on extremely good terms. He decided it would be better than not to let Pam call him. He wandered back into the living room and watched the four children explore his home. Diamond almost knocked over the television and Heart managed to knock the telephone off it's hook, meanwhile Spade sat across the room staring at Scarecrow, who stared back. He broke away from her gaze and stood up upon realizing he'd have company so he ought to grab his mask. He slipped into his bedroom were his mask lay on his bed. He already wore his costume, a long-sleeved red shirt, and a pair of bown cloth pants. He slipped on his tan glovesand his mask, a burlap cover with hollowed out eyes and a stitched mouth and a mess of yello straw hair wich protruded out of the scalp of the mask. He pulled the mask on over his face, placed his tall brown hat on top, and returned to the living room just as there was a knock on the door. He was surprised she had arrived so quickly, considering she lived halfway across town. He supposed it was for the children.

Jonathon hurried over to the door and opened it to reveal Poison Ivy, still in her short, black, silk nightgown and fluffy pink robe. "Hello, Pam." he grimaced. He hated women almost as much as she hated men, but since the both of them knew that this wasn't about them, it was about the children, he coped and she did as well.

"Where are they?" she asked, brushing past him, her red hair whipping into his face. For a moment Jonathon stared at the empty doorway, confused as to where Pam had disappeared to, but then his primal observatory senses kicked in and he realized she was already in the process of coddling the red-headed child, Heart.

"Oh how _sweet!_ She's adorable!" Ivy cooed as Scarecrow stepped over.

"There are three others you know…" He grumbled.

Ivy took her attention off the child momentarily to glare up at Scarecrow with her piercing green eyes, after which her glance returned to the child. "Oh you are _so_ precious."

After a bit Ivy sighed, smiling warmly at Heart. "I'll take her." She finalized.

"You… you will!?" Scarecrow's eyes widened.

She nodded. "She's so adorable… I couldn't bear to leave her here."

Scarecrow wasn't completely sure whether to be grateful he had one less child to adopt out, or be offended by the particular way in which Pam had stressed "Here." He decided to ignore the comment and just be glad. "Good, that's… wonderful! I don't know how to thank you." the final part of his sentence was hesitant in the sense that Scarecrow never made a habit of thanking _anyone_.

"Don't bother; all I want is the child. Although I do suppose you'd like some help in giving the other's homes."

"It'd be greatly appreciated." Scarecrow admitted.

"Do you have any ideas as to who might be interested?"

Scarecrow shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "Well Edward briefly crossed my mind..."

"But?" Ivy questioned, knowing something had obviously discontinued the thought of calling him.

"Well Edward and I have never exactly been on good terms."

Pam rose from the couch and placed the child on her hips. "I'll call him." she sighed, strolling into the kitchen.

Scarecrow flopped onto the couch with such a force that it caused his legs to fly into the air and land on the coffee table in front of him. Again Spade stared at him. "What is it you want?" He pondered aloud. He grinned at the child when she hiccupped once and glared at him as if he were the one to cause it. He drew his feet back off the table and slid onto his knees, then bent over, hiding himself behind it. He shot up quickly and waved his hands franticly at her, loudly whispering "Peek-a-BOO!"

Spade's previously emotionless face lit up with a smile and a small giggle. Scarecrow ducked behind the table again and repeated the action. "Peek-a-BOO!" This time Spade allowed a full laugh that echoed merrily against Scarecrow's ears. He presented the act once more, at which point the not only elicited a laugh from Spade, but Ivy as well who'd stopped at the doorway to watch him entertain.

"I… um.. This isn't… ah…" Scarecrow stumbled over his own words as he continued to hunch behind the tabled. "I… uh…" she chuckled nervously and stood up, smacking his head against the coffee table on his way up, which made little Diamond cackle with delight. Scarecrow scowled at the child and massaged his scalp through his mask. "Did you get a hold of Edward?" he asked.

"Yeah, He'll be over in about a half hour. I also called Harvey."

"Two-Face? What'd he have to say?"

"Other than a few insults he said he'll be here too. He's a little closer than Edward so he should be here shortly."

"Erm… good… that's good… yes." Jonathon stammered. "Excellent."

Ivy chuckled. "Jonathon, are you embarrassed?"

"What! No! The very idea! The notion! How dare-" he cut himself off. "Perhaps…"

Ivy giggled once more. "Are you telling me you're ashamed of playing peek-a-boo with Spade?"

"I… No! The Scarecrow is never embarrassed, and further more the Scarecrow does not play peek-a-boo with small children!"

"Uh-huh…" She trailed, disappearing back into the kitchen.

Scarecrow glanced over at Spade who smiled ever so innocently. "See what you've done?" He asked her, his only answer a giggle.

Scarecrow never bothered to sit down, since as soon as he drew near to sitting back down, there was another knock at the door. He grumbled, but skulked over to the door, opening it ever so slightly. "Yes?"

"Ivy called." Came the harsh yet calm voice of Harvey Dent, better known as Two-Face.

Scarecrow opened the door all the way and allowed Harvey into his home. "How are you Harvey?" Jonathon ventured.

Harvey flipped his signature coin into the air. He glanced at the outcome then sighed. "I've been better."

Scarecrow said nothing, only showed Harvey to the children. It didn't take Harvey long to figure out what was going on. "No." he growled at Scarecrow. "No way, no how, am I taking any kind of kid, at any time!"

Ivy slipped into the living room. "What was that Harvey?"

"Ivy, you never said anything about kids."

"You never asked."

Two-Face grumbled and turned for the door. Not for the first time, The Scarecrow was glad he was a quick thinker.

"You're not even going to flip for it?"

This statement stopped the villain dead in his tracks. Being a psychologist, the brain of Jonathon Crane, while neatly tucked away behind the Scarecrow, still knew what made people tick. Harvey Dent, while being extraordinarily bi-polar and having harsh anger issues, was rather obsessive compulsive, and would not make any kind of final decision without flipping his coin on the matter. All Scarecrow had to do was reach for that psychological tidbit in the mind of Professor Crane, and force it to Harvey's attention. The man would _have_ to now at lest give the taking of a child a 50-50 shot.

Harvey didn't turn around. In fact the only sign that signaled to Scarecrow and Ivy that he was still breathing was the tiny cling of metal as the flashing coin flipped into the air.

Whatever the outcome had been, Scarecrow was pleased. Two-Face turned, stepped lightly into the living room, picked up the young brunette boy, still asleep, and left the Crane household. As far as Scarecrow was concerned, the fact that he did it without another word leaving his lips was only an added bonus.

Ivy glanced at Scarecrow. "That went well."

"Hardly." Scarecrow grumbled, swiftly closing the door that Dent had so carelessly left open.

Ivy sighed and wandered over to the couch where she gracefully perched onto the arm. "Well that's two down, two to go." She pointed out.

After a short while of aimless pacing and brainstorming whom else to call, another knock at the door protruded the silence. "_You_ can get _that_ one." Scarecrow grimaced.

"Riddler?" Ivy cautiously asked.

"I hope so, if not then it's the police, and _that_ would be bad."

Well, it had been Riddler, and he was invited in. Scarecrow recovered to his bedroom while Mr. Nigma was there, not very interested in his company. After a while Ivy called him out of hiding, assuring her that Nigma had gone.

"Well?" He asked upon entering the living room.

"Well what?"

"Is he gone?"

"Yep, and he even took a child."

"Oh? Who?"

"Um… I think it was Spade."

"Oh." was Scarecrow's only response. Not in a million years would he have ever admitted to Ivy that he'd taken a liking to the small child, hell he hardly wanted to admit it to himself, but something about Spade pulled at his heartstrings, small and shriveled as they were.

"Oh wait! I' was wrong, It was diamond he took, Spade's still here." exclaimed Ivy as she drew near Jonathon, Spade in hand. She pressed Spade against Scarecrow's chest, and he held the child in his spindly arms. The girl giggled and Scarecrow even allowed himself a smile.

So of course Pam had to notice it.

"You know, Jonathon, maybe _you_ should keep her."

"_Me_?" Scarecrow said, trying to sound as disgusted as he could about the small child. "Are you daft, woman?"

Ivy smirked. "You were the one who brought them home."

"Yes, with absolutely NO intention of keeping any one of them!" He shouted, though his inner shrink told himself that was a lie.

Damn Ivy and her being smart. She just had to know these things. "Then why'd you even bring them here?" she questioned, a mischievous, I-know-more-than-you smile playing on her lips. "You'll manage, Jonathon. Take her."

"But-"

"Take her." And with that, Ivy drifted her way out of Scarecrow's small apartment.

Scarecrow looked for the door, to Spade, back to the door, and once more back to Spade. He finally resolved to looking up to his ceiling, as if perhaps it might provide assistance.

"Help." He asked no one.


End file.
